Author: Dennis A. Gray

Not My Best Day

/ Dennis A. Gray / 2 Comments

This is not usually the kind of blog where I write about the stuff I did today so that you can live vicariously through me or at the very least feel better about yourself because your life doesn’t suck as much as mine does. However, today you’re going to get a small dose of Dennis’ life because, well, to put it bluntly, I screwed up today — big time!

One of the hardest things about being out there in front of everyone is that you really have to stay on your toes. When you do something that people feel is not right for a Christian to do, they will waste no time in telling you so. Some even take a certain pleasure in it. The natural instinct is to make excuses or try to justify it because of circumstances and the like. But the simple fact is that as Christians we have the responsibility to make sure that we own up to our mistakes. So here goes…

I broke a promise I made to my nephew Jacob today. Actually, the promise was made to his parents my brother Alex and his wife Joan. I told them on Saturday that Roberta and I would be over to visit tonight. But we didn’t go. Why is totally beside the point. I could explain it all but it would make no difference. The fact remains that Robert and I got home about 8pm. We had a bite to eat and watched a little TV and then at 9 o’clock I went downstairs to my den in the basement and turned on the computer. And there was the reminder staring at me from the computer screen. Today was Jacob’s birthday!

Both Roberta and I had completely forgotten about it!! There is no excuse, no explanation that can make restitution for this. I blew it. I made a promise and I failed to keep it. The ironic thing about it is I am currently preparing a piece of scripture for storytelling in church this Sunday. Here’s part of the passage…

“Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform your oaths to the Lord. But I say to you, do not swear at all: neither by heaven, for it is God’’s throne; nor by the earth, for it is His footstool; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your ‘Yes’’ be ‘Yes’, and your ‘No’,’ ‘No.’’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” Matthew 5:33-37 New King James Version

In case you missed it, we need to keep our oaths to family and friends as well; and especially, I think, to children. We can make all the excuses we like about how busy we are and how much the world in closing in on us, but that is really all just excuses. What matters most in life is that we can be trusted; that we are the people that God expects us to be. Because if we are not it reflects badly not just on us, but on every person who calls themselves a Christian, and ultimately on God as well.

It bothers me deeply that I let my family down tonight. I love my brother and his wife and my nephew Jacob. They are very important to me even though we travel in different circles and don’t socialize very much. Which is why it is even more important that I keep my word to them and am there for them when I say I will be. Tonight I wasn’t there when I should have been and it’s going to take me a long time to repair that damage.

That’s why I’m writing this tonight. The first step in repairing the damage is to admit the mistake. Especially for those of us who claim to represent the Kingdom of God. If we cannot be counted on to keep our word; if our ‘yes‘ doesn’t always mean ‘yes‘, then the world is justified to call into question the message we present to them in Jesus’ name. And that is something we must not allow to happen.

Shalom

It’s Not Fair

/ Dennis A. Gray / 4 Comments

It’s been two months since I last wrote anything here. I know it’s an over-used excuse to say that I have been busy, but the fact is — I have. What I’ve been busy with I may talk about some other time but for now I just need to write something. Let me explain.

In my 50 years I have had the privilege of knowing many of the souls that populate this world; some great, some not so great, some good, some bad. This week one of the gentlest souls I have ever known was taken to be with the God he loved so much. I have often heard the Lord described as “gentle Jesus meek and mild”, but I never had a clear picture in my mind of what that phrase meant until I met James. My first reaction to the news of his death was simply, “IT’S NOT FAIR!”

I know, I’m a Christian. I’m supposed to believe that God has a plan and since so many have been praying for James for so long and this is the result then this must be part of that plan. And let me say that I do believe that – truly, I do; but I still find I want to stand in the night, facing into the wind, and scream at the sky, “God, your plan is not fair!!”

It’s not fair because it doesn’t include James healed of his cancer and out of his wheelchair walking with the people he loves. It’s not fair because it doesn’t include James and his wife Loo Sar holding each other and looking towards the future. It’s not fair because it doesn’t include James watching his little girl Angie grow up and graduate and get married and make him a grandfather. And God forgive my selfishness, but the biggest reason it’s not fair is it doesn’t include my spending more time with him, getting to know him better than I do, and continuing to learn the art of gentleness from a man who had mastered it so well.

How do I justify such a childish attitude when I’m supposed to be a man of faith?

Simple. I may be a man of faith, but I am also still a child – a child of God. And like a child sometimes I just don’t understand why life has to be so unfair. When I was physically a child my father must have heard me whine, “It’s not fair!” a thousand times or more. Sometimes he would tell me that life wasn’t supposed to be fair. Sometimes he’d tell me I would understand when I was older. But the time that stands out most in my mind was when my dog ‘King’ died.

King was a white Siberian Husky and I loved him a lot. One day he got out of the yard and was run over by a truck. I remember crying for what seemed like hours and looking into my father’s eyes and saying, “It’s just not fair!” He looked back at me and said, “You’re right, it isn’t fair, but there’s nothing I can do. For whatever reason, this is the way things are and I can’t change it. I’m sorry!”

These days, whenever someone whom I’ve been praying for dies, I remember my Dad saying those words to me. I also remember how helpless he looked that day. It was then I realized that there were some things my Father couldn’t fix.

Now I can imagine what some of you are thinking. “Dennis, this isn’t much of a comfort. There’s nothing God can’t fix, after all – He’s God! He’s not limited like your Father was.”

You’re right of course, God is all powerful. But this isn’t about God, it’s not even really about James and unanswered prayer. It’s about me.

It’s about me learning to live with the fact that just like my Father there are some things that I just can’t fix. There are things in life that even with the power of prayer I cannot control. That, for whatever reason, this is the way things are and I can’t change it! It’s about me and every other Christian coming to grips with the fact that we don’t know everything. I don’t know why James wasn’t healed. I don’t know why James had to die. The only thing I do know is there has to be a reason. And since it is God’s reason it’s probably a good one, though I can’t for the life of me imagine what it might be.

So, there is nothing for me do but cry for my loss, reach out as best as I can to others who will miss James, and take comfort in the fact that his suffering is now over. He is, I believe, pain free, out of his wheelchair walking with Jesus in the garden, learning even more about being gentle from the gentlest man who ever lived.

Goodbye James.
Catch up with you later.
Say hello to Ignatius for me.

Struggling to Enter My Second Childhood

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I’ve spent the last couple of days listening to the Toronto ‘Sick Kids’ Hospital radio telethon on CFRB. I listened to story after story of kids facing seemingly impossible medical challenges and the courage they display. Children in wheelchairs and sick beds, hooked up to miles of tubing and a plethora of equipment, still manage not only to smile, but find reason and strength to laugh and bring a little fun into their lives.

I’m reminded of other examples from other fund-raising efforts. The children in AIDS-riddled Africa still manage to laugh and play in the midst of their despair, taking immense joy from something as simple as a ball made from rags bound with tape and string. Children who spend their days scrounging through garbage dumps in South America to earn a small income for their families, draw comfort and love from each other in the meager hovel they call home. A small boy in Uganda smiles enthusiastically for the camera as he carries a 20-litre can of water almost as big as himself two kilometers from the well to his hut – twice – everyday!

Closer to home, and not nearly facing such misfortune, I marvel at my own nephew. I remember when, the night his grandmother died, the four-year-old’s primary concern was to say to his mother, “It’s okay Mommy, don’t be sad!”

As I listen, and watch, and remember, one word comes to mind over and over again – resiliency.

Children are, at one and the same time, the most fragile and the most resilient of all human beings. They will, given the chance, find reason to smile and laugh, and opportunities for play in even the most devastating of circumstances. In many ways, I envy them.

I’ve often wondered where they get this remarkable ability and I have come to the following conclusion – it’s faith. Children quickly realize, if only on a subconcious level, that they have no control over their situation. As a result they must rely on the adults in their lives to put things right. They put all of their faith in their parents, grandparents, older siblings, whoever it is that takes care of them. This level of complete dependency frees them to do one thing – enjoy life the best they can. They are free to play, and laugh, and sing in the midst of all they must endure because they have handed the whole thing over to people who are able to deal with it much better than they are.

Unfortunately not all children exhibit this inate ability. My heart goes out most to the ones who have lost the capacity to play. They are most often orphans, huddled in rooms filled with dozens of others like themselves, with no one to hold them, no one to assure them that everything will work out some how. They have fallen so far into their despair they have lost the very sense of what they are – children.

Having said all that, I’d like you to consider the words of Jesus from Matthew 18:3-4…

And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

For me the reason Jesus suggested we become like children lies in this simple matter of faith. As adults we constantly feel the need to worry over what will happen next and how we can control it. Hardest of all for us to accept is that there are things in this world that are simply beyond our control; there are things we cannot do anything about no matter how hard we try. Even after we have prayed and “surrendered” everything to God we still ask the same question once we get up off our knees; “Okay, now what do I do?”, as if it is still up to us to solve the problem.

But to fit into the kingdom of God requires ‘complete’ dependency on Him. That’s why we have to become like little children. As children we understood what it meant to ‘trust the Father’ because it was instinctive to us. We need to go back there once more. We need to regain the ability to not worry over what we can’t control. And when we do we will enjoy once again that same freedom we knew as children.

Because we are not spiritual orphans, because we have a Father who cares for us and answers our needs we can devote ourselves to the one thing that matters most – to enjoy life as best we can. We can be free to smile, to laugh and even to play in the midst of our desperation because we know that even if we don’t understand what is going on we have a Father in heaven who will take care of it for us. Even if we seem to be going hungry right now we can enjoy the simple pleasure of a ball made of rags because our older brother Jesus will take care of things somehow.

Too many of us are living like orphans. Too many of us are so lost in worry and despair we have lost the very sense of who we are – children of God. We huddle in the churches with others like ourselves wondering who will take care of us, who will feed us when all the time God is reaching out to us in love.

So I challenge you, dear Reader. Like me, try to enter a second childhood. Become a child again and enter into the kingdom. Smile, laugh, play a while. God will take care of things if we will only let go of them.

Shalom

Permission to Do Nothing – Granted!

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It’s been a long month — storyteller’s workshop, worship conference, video testimonies, worship projects, barbershop concerts, drama rehersals. Not a lot of free time for writing as I would like. Finally got a free night this past Sunday. Resolved to spend the evening doing as little as possible. Roberta planned on reading a book, I was going to relax with some great jazz music. Then it hit — guilt!

Even as we settled down for the evening we hadn’t gone very far when both my wife and I felt it. We were actually planning to do nothing! We were about to commit the sin of being unproductive. How could we think of such a thing? More than once Roberta looked up from her book and said, “There are things I should be doing. I shouldn’t be just sitting here. (long pause) But it’s all I want to do!”

I knew how she felt. I had to remind both myself and her that that not only is doing nothing NOT a sin, it is a command of God! It would seem that God knew his creation would fall prey to the insatiable drive to ‘do something’, and so he commanded one day’s rest in seven to address the need for rest. For the record, even two thousand years ago, in the time of Jesus, this was considered a little strange. Many people regarded the Jews as lazy and irresponsible because they took a whole day off every week.

What I have always wondered however, is why we have this overwhelming drive to be busy in the first place? Why do we get so fidgety and restless when we do nothing? Why is the same level of inactivity that is acceptable lying on the beach, so unacceptable in our own living rooms?

I have a theory.

I think we all suffer, to one degree or another, from the tryanny of our own attention span.

That’s right – the tyranny of our own attention span. The same hightened sense of boredom that has us flipping channels, also keeps us from slowing down and just enjoying the moment. And in a world dominated by the 10-second sound byte, the video montage, and the one-minute news update, the situation has become even worse. There are many people today that are simply incapable of paying attention to anything for any length of time.

The result is we have trouble simply enjoying the moment. When we do spend a few moments resting, doing nothing, before long a little voice in our head says, “Okay, been here, done this. What’s next? Come on people – I’ve seen this movie before. Show me something new.”

Of course on the spiritual level there’s another aspect to it as well — fear.

I have come to the realization that some of us are reluctant to stop “doing“ because when our minds are not filled with these activities then we might be tempted to “think“. And this is bad because thinking can lead to contemplation. And contemplation can lead to introspection. And introspection can lead to having to face some hard realities about ourselves, and nobody wants to do that. And so because of our fear of facing who we really are, we occupy our time with as many activities as possible so that we don’t have time to think about how good or bad a person we might be.

Of course, on the spiritual level, this is all very good for the enemy. Satan of course has no desire to see God’s people spending a lot of time in quiet contemplation because they just might be quiet long enough to hear the still small voice of God. They might, even without intending or planning to, take head of the prompting and leading of the Holy Spirit; and we all know what that could lead to.

So here’s my challenge to you. Take a few minutes, or dare I say it, one day a week, and strive to do nothing. You just might find it’s the most productive thing you’ve ever done.

Shalom…

The Not-So-Savage Curtain

/ Dennis A. Gray / 2 Comments

Like a lot of people in this world, I am a fan of the Star Trek franchise. Now, before those of you who aren’t hit the Back button, this article is not about Star Trek per se, so please bear with me.

One of the episodes that stands out in my mind, is an original series episode called The Savage Curtain. In it the crew of the Enterprise travel to a planet called Excalbia. The unique thing about the living rocks that inhabit Excalbia is their culture has no experience with the concepts of “Good” and “Evil.” In an effort to understand this concept, Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock find themselves on the planet’s surface along with an assortment of characters extracted from kirk and Spock memories including Abraham Lincoln and Genghis Khan. They are divided into the “good guys” and the “bad guys” and forced to battle it out to the death. A few skirmishes and much philosophizing later, Kirk and company emerge victorious and the Excalbians come to the following conclusion…

“It would seem that evil retreats when forcibly confronted. However, you have failed to demonstrate to me… any other difference between your philosophies.”

After a few more philosophical observations and a memorable quote from Abraham Lincoln (There is no honourable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. There is nothing good in war except its ending.) everyone survives and the crew moves on to its next assignment.

So… why the trip down Trekkie memory lane? Well, what always stuck in my mind about this episode was not the debate over the classic battle between good and evil but the aliens involved. The Excalbian spokesman makes the claim that the very concept of good and evil is unknown to them. This seems nearly impossible. Could a society with no concept of good and evil, or right and wrong actually survive? Would they not at the very least come to the conclusion; harm me = evil and help me = good? Could such a society exist?

Well actually, we are supposed to be just such a society. At least that’s what Juan de Valdes suggests. I wrote about Valdes a few weeks ago. Those who haven’t read the article will find it here. This morning, over coffee, I was reading a book of excerpts from Valdes’ One Hundred and Ten Considerations. Check out consideration number 106 where he talks about man(kind) in the spiritual sense:

He was placed in the garden called the earthly paradise. But after he ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, he lost the image of the likeness of God. He was expelled from the earthly paradise and retains the knowledge of both good and evil. I understand it is unnatural to man and foreign to his first creation to remain excluded from the earthly paradise. Likewise I understand it is unnatural for him to possess ‘the knowledge of good and evil.’ By what I experience in man’s restoration, in his regeneration, and in his being made a new creature, I realize that he does recover the image and likeness of God.

Think about that for a moment; it is unnatural for him to possess ‘the knowledge of good and evil.’ The scriptures seem to re-enforce Valdes’ interpretation as God asks Adam how it is he knows that he is naked (Gen 3:11). The knowledge of this simple fact indicates to God that Adam has transgressed, as it is knowledge Adam would not have if he had remained obedient.

It is an interesting notion that if everything had not gone awry in the Garden of Eden, then the human race today would, just like the fictitious Excalbians, have absolutely no concept of good and evil. Morality plays would not exist and neither, I imagine, would the entire arena of philosophy. (A good thing perhaps?)

I will confess that this idea is entirely beyond my comprehension. I find I cannot adequately imagine a culture that is devoid of these most basic of concepts. I realize I am being repetitive here, but really, to think that if everything had gone according to God’s original intent then we would exists in such a pure state of innocence that terms like “good” and “evil”, “right” and “wrong” would be completely meaningless and serve no useful purpose in our lives.

If Valdes is right then in the next world we will be restored to this state of innocence. It is no wonder that scripture is so lacking in details of the next life. It will obviously be beyond our comprehension. I can hardly wait!