Personal

Little Pieces of Toast

/ Dennis A. Gray / Leave a comment

Okay, so this is it. This morning at 11 am (EST) I sign in to ‘day surgery’ at Guelph General Hospital, then at 1pm they wheel me in and start cutting. If all goes well I’ll be home in time for supper.

I had the pre-op appointment yesterday and it was full of assurances that everything was going to work out just fine, my doctor is extremely good at what he does, and I’m healthy enough there should be no difficulties. And, oh yes… due to budget cuts I can’t have a piece of toast anymore when I wake up – layoffs to follow.

That’s right! There was much apologizing for the fact that there would be no toast. Apparently, since a surgery patient can’t eat for 12 hours beforehand, it was their custom to feed them some juice and toast when they woke up to settle the grumbling stomach. When budget cuts came along the toast was the first to go. Now I just get the juice and a biscuit.

I guess everyone has ‘stuff’ with which they struggle; seemingly small stuff to you and I maybe, but it holds meaning for the people involved because it’s indicative of changes they’d rather not see. There are certainly a lot bigger problems in our health care system than supplying toast for day surgery patients, but those who work there see it as ‘just one more thing‘ that takes the joy out of their existence because it reminds them of what might follow – layoffs or whatever other darkness looms on the horizon.

We all have little pieces of toast in our lives. Things that on the surface seem small and insignificant, but we are tempted to fall on our swords to protect them because of what they represent. We cry out against the powers that be, “Come on already! I know it’s tough and we need to make changes, but can’t we at least keep the toast?”

If we can keep the toast, if we can manage one small victory as the darkness encroaches, then maybe we will survive this after all. Maybe it will serve as one small glimmer of light to give us some comfort.

So as I head into the hospital today, as much as I completely dread the experience (I haven’t been under the knife since I was 17), I find myself thinking about the nurse in pre-op who felt the need to apologize for the lack of toast. I know she’s feeling a pain of her own and needs prayer and support as much as I do.

So please, gentle reader, if you are inclined to pray for me this day as I endure my ordeal, for which I am truly grateful, then please remember the toast, and also pray for those at the hospital who face an uncertain future. And when you speak to the Father, offer a word for anyone you know who is struggling to hang on to one small comfort in life, that it might help them see their way through the temporary darkness and into a brighter tomorrow.

Until I return from surgery… Shalom

And Now for Something Completely Different…

/ Dennis A. Gray / Leave a comment

I suppose the time has come to write about my current situation, if for no other reason than a multitude of individuals who have said to me in the last few days, “I expect much blogging while you are laid up the next few weeks.”

I think that was one of the things that made me take an hiatus from blogging – the sense of having to meet expectations. I started it because I just wanted to get things down for myself, but soon I was writing for everyone but me. But that is of course the dilemma every creative thinker faces, is it not? Do I write, paint, play, sing, sculpt, or whatever else it is I consider my raison d’etre for my own satisfaction, or do I do it for those whose opinions I hold in even higher regard – my audience, though I may be loath to admit it. I suspect, like most things in my experience, the truth lies somewhere in between, consisting of x parts one and truth – x parts the other.

But to return to the subject at hand: on Friday morning (Jan 9/08) I shall report to Guelph General Hospital’s Day Surgery ward to undergo a procedure to repair the Achilles tendon on my left foot. It seems I have a knack for putting my foot in it (as my wife Roberta will confirm) and this time what I put my foot in was a hole in the floor backstage at Guelph Little Theatre. The details of exactly how it happened are largely unimportant. Let it suffice to say,”Black floor + black hole x large differential bifocals = Ouch!” If you have no idea what the bifocals have to do with it, ask someone who wears them.

And so I find myself faced with the prospect of surgery, followed by several weeks in a cast, then more time in a walking cast, and who knows how many sessions of excruciating physio-therapy. Oooh! – what fun! But then I suppose it could always be worse. There will be time to think, to write, to sort, to meditate, to vegetate, and of course, to blog.

I strongly suspect that this may well be one of those, be careful what you pray for scenarios. As the New Year unfolded I found myself offhandedly praying for more time to engage in all of the above – especially the writing. Then this happens. Powerful stuff prayer. Use at own risk!

So there you have it, the back story to where these ramblings will be coming from for the next little while. If you would like to support me in some way during my period of recovery then I ask you to click your way over to the Guelph Little Theatre website and book a few tickets for “The Curious Savage“. It is the delightful little comedy I was working on the preparation for when this happened. Yes I know, it’s a shameless plug; but if it sells out in a stampede of sympathetic consumerism it shall serve to bolster my self-esteem as I will have ‘taken one for the team.’

What is “The Curious Savage“? It is the story of three siblings, five friends, two attendants, and a woman and her bear; all drawn together by means of foolish expectations and not so foolish dreams. Yes, it is a rather cryptic description I know, but then, where’s your curiosity?

Until next time then, I covet your prayers, your well-wishes, and your contributions to the box office.

Shalom

Great Art and A Great Cause

/ Dennis A. Gray / Leave a comment

Okay.. there two things that I want to talk to you about.

The first is art. The scriptures say that man was created in the image of God. For me the greatest evidence of this has always been humankind’s ability to create. From the earliest cave paintings to the delicate intricacies of an electron guitar, I really believe our obsession with bringing what we can imagine into some degree of reality one of our most God-like qualities.

It’s why I’ve always thought that those who believe in God should support those who make best use of their creativity. To the best of our ability to afford it, there should be art in our homes, original when possible, prints and replicas when necessary, but there must be art. It is an expression of the creative spark that God has placed in all of us. For this reason, I have always made a point of supporting and promoting the artists that come into my life, be they musicians, sculptors, architects, painters, whatever.

Which brings me to my friend Stephen. I have known Stephen Ascough for nearly three decades. And while I have long coveted his friendship, I will confess that what I envy most is his artistic ability. I am proud to have three of Stephen’s original nature drawings hanging on the walls of my home. They remind me not only of a great friendship, but of the wonder of God’s creation expressed in an act of love and creativity.

I know, I’m getting a little mushy here, but it’s hard not too – Stephen’s work always amazes me. Sometimes I look at the three pictures I have in my home, (the mushrooms are my favourite) and I still see things in them I never noticed before. But why am I telling you this now?

Because recently my friend Stephen was accepted as a member of Artists For Conservation, a “non-profit, international organization dedicated to the celebration and preservation of the natural world. The Foundation represents the world’s leading collective of nature artists and an unparalleled pool of artistic talent focussed on nature. The organization’s mission is to support wildlife and habitat conservation, biodiversity, sustainability and environmental education through art that celebrates our natural heritage.” Membership is limited and by invitation, I’m thrilled for my friend that he has been included.

As a result of this for the first time, high quality art prints of his work is available on the web. The picture at right is from his home page at AFC where you can see more of his work and purchase a print. On selected works a portion of the purchase price will go to the AFC Foundation to support their work in world wide conservation efforts. I invite you to visit his home page and consider the possibilities. You can use the following link or the one in the sidebar at right.

http://www.natureartists.com/stephen_ascough.asp

The second thing I’d like to mention is The Ride to Conquer Cancer. The Ride is a 200km cycling tour from Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto, Ontario through the Halton Hills, down through the wine country of the Niagara peninsula, to the natural majesty of Niagara Falls, natural wonder and honeymoon capital of North America. The funds raised through this event will help to ensure that the vital cancer research that is done at Princess Margaret (one of the top five such centres in the world) continues.

I’d be surprises if there’s anyone reading this who hasn’t seen someone in their lives touched by this all to common disease. If you are so inclined to do so I would appreciate it if you would follow the link to my personal page at the Ride’s web site and make a donation in support of my participation in the event.

On behalf of the thousands who will benefit from the work that goes on at Princess Margaret, I thank you.

Dennis Gray

A Bright Light shines no more.

/ Dennis A. Gray / 1 Comment

I’ll tell you up front, this is the same post as I placed on my Java and Jesus blog two days ago. I Just felt I needed to post it here as well. The subject seems appropriate for this venue. For me it’s a pretty black and white issue….
—————————–

I had fully intended to write the next episode of ‘Exploring the Kingdom Gospel” this week, but then something unexpected happened. Late Wednesday night a man walked out of a local bar, got into his truck and drove off. Because he was drunk, instead of taking the on-ramp to Hwy 6 south, he took the off ramp and wound up driving south in the North-bound lanes. A few minutes later he drove head on into a car, killing the driver. That driver was a wonderful young woman named Anna Graham.

I first met Anna about a year ago. Her uncle asked me to work on a production of “Death of a Salesman” that he was directing for Guelph Little Theatre. It was one of the best experiences of my life, and Anna was no small part of it. Anna, along with Anthony “Pooch” Brown, was designing the lighting for the production. You didn’t have to watch her work for long to know that this woman not only knew what she was doing, she enjoyed it immensely and had a real gift for creativity. You also didn’t have to watch for long to see just how proud her uncle, my friend Lloyd, was of her.

And now she’s gone!

As you scan the status lines of her friends on Facebook you can see the range of emotions. One person “is sad“, another “is numb“, one more is “trying to come to terms.” The most vocal of the lot is “Really mad….and hurt…and not understanding why this life has to be so f**kin unfair!!!” (the asterisks are mine). I know how he feels. I felt the same way when James died a year ago (I wrote about it here.). But somehow, I don’t feel the same pain about Anna, not the same way.

I know part of the reason is the simple fact Anna and I weren’t as close as James and I were. It’s no reflection on Anna; we worked together on ‘Salesman’ and then went our separate ways, her to her circle and me to mine. Most of the pain I feel is for her uncle Lloyd. Him I do consider a friend, and as both actor/director and human being, have a great deal of respect and admiration for the man. I can only imagine what he is going through. He’s never far from my thoughts.

But the biggest difference in this case is there was some good to be found in Jame’s death. He had been sick for a long time. In many ways his passing was a relief. His suffering is over and the spiritual part of me can at least begin to wrap my head around the idea that God decided it was for the best.

But in Anna’s case this logic does not apply. The hard cold fact is Anna died because someone couldn’t find anything better to do with a Wednesday night than get drunk watching naked women dance on stage. And even that might not matter except he then compounded things by making the selfish decision to drive himself home, and no one, not the bartender, not the servers, not his friends, nor the big burly guy at the door took the necessary steps to stop him. Anna is gone because human beings made selfish and wrong choices! Plain and simple!

Do I sound like I’m ranting? Of course I am. I’m angry! Because the simple fact is THIS IS WHY WE NEED GOD!!

Every day on the news and in other media I hear people trying to tell me how outmoded a concept God is. How human beings don’t need some invisible being in the sky, they are quite capable of conducting their own affairs. Morality is a flexible concept and changes from day to day, what’s good for you is bad for me, etc. etc. etc. Religion is no longer required because we can run our own affairs quite nicely thank you.

But the fact is, human beings, generally speaking, as a species, are no where near smart enough, wise enough, deep enough or insightful enough to be their own moral compass. When push comes to shove each of us, left to our own devices, will make a decision based not on the common good, or the welfare of others, but on our selfish wants and desires. The only hope for us is to have a moral guide that comes from outside of ourselves. A culture of accountability which holds us personally responsible for our actions on a level above and beyond the human trappings of law and order. This is the role religion fulfills.

And before you get started on the evils of organized religion, let me say it’s not the institution of religion I’m talking about. Rather it is the ground level, day-to-day belief that God is watching, and that someday we will have to face Him one-on-one and He will say, “Explain it to me again why you were a complete and total moron” – or words to that effect. For thousands of years the love for and fear of God has kept human beings from acting out of selfish motives and inspired us to think twice before we act, even if the only reason is the slim possibility that if we don’t behave we might find ourselves spending eternity roasting on a spit over a lava-fed barbecue. Though personally I have always suspected the lake of fire in Revelation is a metaphor for something far worse.

I know – I’m preaching. I’m taking advantage of Anna’s death to get on my soapbox and call down fire and brimstone. Well, I make no apologies for it. I’m not trying to be comforting, I’m trying to stop this kind of thing from happening the only way I know how.

I know full well that if it were not for the work of God in my life, I could well be that same moron getting drunk watching naked women dance. Or possibly something much worse. This is why Jesus came to earth as a child and sacrificed himself as a man – to save us from ourselves. To give us an option other than hopelessly trying to be our own moral compass. He is God’s response to our insistance on doing things our own way.

The hard cold fact is that this world is the way it is because human beings, collectively and individually, have said “Sorry God, we don’t need you any more. We are totally capable of making our own decisions. We are the captains of our own fates. Thanks for all your help in the past – we’ll take it from here.” And like it or not – this fractured, faulty, unfair world we live in is the result. I don’t like it either, but that’s the way it is.

The good news is this; when we said that, God responded by saying, “Fine. Have it your way. But when it all falls apart, when the unfairness of it all gets to you and you just can’t take it any more – please, please, PLEASE! Come crying back to Me and I promise – I WILL HELP YOU GET THROUGH IT!”

Good-bye Anna.

Shalom everyone.

Goodbye Old Friend

/ Dennis A. Gray / Leave a comment

I’ve been stalling on writing this one for a while now. I’ve even considered not writing it at all. But the need to write about it is not subsiding in the least. So here goes…

Two weeks ago Roberta and I had to put our cat, Remington, to sleep. You never fully realize just how much these small furry creatures infiltrate every corner of your life until they are no longer there. It’s been two weeks and I still wake up every morning wondering why Rem isn’t sitting on the landing outside our bedroom waiting for me to get up and feed him. It only takes a second to remember why. The heart sinks, and I wonder how long before I stop forgetting he isn’t there.

I’ve had three cats in my life and Remington is by far the most human of the lot. I know, we all tend to anthropomorphize to one degree or another, but Remington was scary sometimes.

From the beginning this Siamese/Russian Blue/Manx cross just did not behave like other cats I’ve had. He loved to play fetch, chasing a small nut and bolt wrapped inside a plastic baggy till my arm wore out. He had this almost human need to be around people, never aloof like other cats. Wherever we were – he was.

His penchant for conversation was enough to make you wonder about reincarnation. The most bizarre example of this was after his evening meal. He would wander over to the patio door and then look out into the back yard expounding to the neighbourhood about Lord knows what for about five minutes. I’m not talking a few meows here – I’m talkin’ full blown sentences made up of meows, mews, grunts, purrs, and other all too human sounding syllables complete with syntax, inflection and identifiable punctuation marks!

For over 15 years, from when he was just a kitten of seven weeks, my wife and I have been blessed with his companionship. He warmed our laps and our hearts, filling the quiet moments with the sound of laughter and contentment – ours.

Thank you Remington. You are greatly missed.

—